And so just like that My Life Changed
- cleanerdayzrhere
- Feb 24, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Feb 26, 2023
I was once so lost in myself; I was full of people pleasing skills after all I was taught by my mother's actions as a child if I just agreed even if I didn't want to do it whatever it was my life was easier. After years of doing just that saying "Yes" to all the wrong people I was left empty and broken inside, I blamed everyone around me. I never looked at me as the cause of my pain and honestly, I was! If I had only learnt sooner that I was able to say "NO" and set boundaries in my relationships. I was definitely in control of my life and my feelings all along, yet I never felt that was true, I suffered deeply from codependency. Many people suffer from codependency and have no clue what codependency is. Let me inform you just what codependency is so you will be aware and can take your own inventory. Codependency is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction. My codependency was related to yearning for a "normal" mother daughter relationship with my mother and because I continually chased this approval, I became codependent. This codependency allowed my mother the ability to manipulate me easily in all aspects of my life sadly even decisions about my children. My mother would manipulate me into decisions and then if they weren't beneficial or required something from her, she would turn around and place blame on me which left me feeling miserable. I grew to dislike her a great deal because I felt she made me feel terrible, it wasn't until I learnt to set boundaries and that I was in charge of my life that I was able to gain ability to control what I feel. Now I have certain boundaries for certain people in my life and at times those boundaries change because life is forever changing. I am not codependent any longer, but I have to remain aware of my previous codependency and keep the boundaries in place to remain safe. It takes practice and perspective into each feeling; an example would be I am so hurt because my mom said I left my kids for two weeks and I'm a bad mom. Examine that thought Did I leave my kids for two weeks? 1. I left my children with their father for a week because my current fiancé attempted suicide and was in the hospital in a coma, we had a less than one year old child together at that time, there were no red flags this came out of nowhere for me and I was a mess barely getting by myself. How does that make me feel? 2. That I left my older children in the care of their father, he had some issues but still held partial custody and this was an emergency situation I was dealing with I handled it the best I could. So, are you a "Bad" mother? 3. Well, I don't physically abuse my children, I didn't, nor do I neglect them in fact I was trying in the midst of my life emergency to ensure they were safe! I'm not emotionally abusive and never would I be sexually abusive to my children. I try and be there for my children and do the best I can am I "perfect" no but none of us are. And now how do you feel about the statement made and how you felt? I can with no questions left state I'm not a "BAD" mom in fact I believe now that I did the best I could in the moment, and I am okay with that. My mom's belief is hers to hold I can't change anything, nor will I ever attempt to change anyone else unless they approach me wanting that change. My mom no longer has the ability to make me feel anything because next I set up a boundary. My boundary for this is that if my mom can't be respectful to me as a person, I won't speak to her. I simply hang up or leave the situation. I know I have no control over anyone else's actions, but I do have control over mine. I have control over how I allow people to talk to me and I no longer accept that kind of down talk I demand respect. I will tell you about the people in your life that you set boundaries with they won't be happy they will most likely act as children. In some way and almost throw temper tantrums. As like they are saying you can't control how I treat you and you do what I want, think about it like this you were a greased wheel running so smoothly now that wheel isn't turning, and they don't know what to do, they now have to change to be near you. be prepared for this season it's not an easy one friend. I teach all of this as a self-help coach and much more. If you decide to invest in yourself and work with me independently, I'll be with you and we will work together on your difficulties, we will turn those into your strengths. All you need to do to become a new client is contact me at the email jouneythroughlif3@gmail.com and we will start your new journey to the BEST you!! But if you're not able to do that at this time or your just not sure you want to invest in yourself my blog is always free.
https://www.amazon.com/90-Day-Habits-Journal-Marketing/dp/B0B4Y1MV7L/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=1XF2L4CF3LIH4&keywords=journal+for+women&qid=1677431730&sprefix=jou%2Caps%2C103&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyUTlWTzlDN1lLWk5NJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwODU1NDQ5M0dKNklHWUoxU1BWMyZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwMTIzMDQxMVdVSzNDUThGS0c0TiZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=#:~:text=%3Ciframe%20sandbox%3D%22allow,link_opens_in_new_window%3Dtrue%22%3E%3C/iframe%3E
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